New addy

Woohoo – thanks to a certain Prince Charming *wink*, you can now find me at www.WestcoastWeirdo.com  Still working on transitioning everything over – hopefully that will be finished up soon

Lazy Day

My Monday is not going how I had envisioned it would some weeks ago, when you realize a 3 day weekend is close.

• I don’t have the $$ to take advantage of all the shopping sales.  It was hard for me to ignore temptation anyways, but I did it.
• NASCAR and WEC has been on my TV all.day.long.  I can only take so much of cars going in circles (which keeps getting rain delayed, btw) & boys beating the shit out of each other.
• WAM has been on my real computer playing solitaire since the moment she woke up.  It’s currently 2pm.  Solitaire.  Who the fuck can play solitaire for hours & hours on end????!!! Finish my dress!
• Still in yesterday’s grime.  I thought we were going to go back over to the pool so I’ve not taken a shower yet.  I know the moment I do, Quicksilver will say, “Let’s go swimming.”  Trust me – this is how men work.
• I’m tired.  I don’t ever sleep good going to bed trashed.  Sure, I pass out, but then I wake up all night long & can’t sleep in.  It sucks.

Today, most importantly, we must remember to support our soldiers.  Some people may not support the war, but you still need to support our soldiers and their families.

Mute Monday – Trip

Can you guess what kind of trip this is?

Fire crotch!

I have an orange pussy between my legs today.  He normally doesn’t lay on my lap – that is reserved for Cerveza.  (I’m quite sure if he know I wouldn’t kick his ass over the backyard fence, the little fucker would ‘mark’ me his) But he’s at the end of the couch napping so I guess Bonk decided to stake claim.

WAM took her stinky crack to Walmart & a few other places around town.  She asked me if I wanted to go.  Ummm…I relish the time you are not in my house, woman!  I made some excuse, went over to Shrek’s to see how far he & Qucksilver got on the fence and then as soon as she left, I came back over.  Read Playboy and now here I am!

(Side note: I do feel bad feeling this way about my own mother.  We all agree she is a wonderful, caring woman.  She’s just lost and not very interested in finding her way back.  And that really annoys me on so many levels.  I don’t pity people who refuse to help themselves.)

(Sider note: Besides, it’s much more fun making fun of her.  It’s the only thing that holds my sanity in check.)

Well, thank you, Mr. Sun, for gracing us with your fucking presence today on this 3-day holiday weekend!!!  Now the beertivities can begin!

I related to an article in Playboy this month written by Suzy McCopping titled ‘Bringing up the Rear’ about anal sex.  It’s quite funny and I agree with it.  It’s about anal sex & the opinion isn’t that important – there are women who love it, women who hate it & women who don’t like it, but still do it.  This is the excerpt that I loved tho: “Taorimno teaches a class on how to enjoy the act. ‘The orgasm from anal sex is way more intense than the vaginal orgasm,’ she explained during our phone interview.  ’It’s a full-body orgasm.  Plus, if you add clitoral stimulation to anal penetration, it will blow your mind.  There are more nerve endings in the first part of the butt than in the back of the vagina.”  Hey,Tristan, there are a lot of nerve endings in my eye socket.  It doesn’t mean I want a dick in there.”

This is what I tell Quicksilver.  That and if he takes a dick up his ass first, I’d be more willing to do it too.  So there.

Nose plugs, please!

I have about 15 minutes before the girls show up for the book club.  It’s at my house this time and all my appetizers are ready to go!

You know.  I had an epiphane earlier today.  WAM is grating my last nerve.  She’s farting something ferocious and I mean that in all its dictionarily way.  They’re loud, juicy, long, thunderous & just overall nasty.  And she takes pride in it.  Like, she tries to make them that way.  Can’t you just let your fart…be what it wants to be???

We’re eating breakfast and off goes her ass.  Even Quicksilver, being a normal guy, is disgusted.  And I’m ok with farts, really I am.  I’ll be the first to admit that I plant my ass up against the wall in the shower to make mine ‘more’ (not inheriting the fart-gene from my mother, Thank God) & to get a giggle out of Quicksilver.  And I’ve grown up with boys to know that farts are funny.

But it’s a whole other thing knowing that you’re overweight, socially inept, never-takes-care-of-herself mother’s ass cheeks are spouting off toxic waste.   In my breathing space, on my couch that I sit on, entering my body through my nose-holes.

Bleah.  (Later…)

My book club was fun – it’s always fun talking girly-talk and catching up.  We discussed Wicked, by Gregory Maguire – it’s the story of The Wicked Witch of the West.  Like, from when she was born and what led up to her being the way she was (in Wizard of Oz).  It’s very interesting how he follows certain things so that it makes sense in Oz, but he also totally goes on his own.  He’s done this to other Disney movies too & I want to read those books as well.

Quicksilver and Shrek are over digging holes for Shrek’s new fence.  A section was falling down and he has a pool & the people sharing the fence have kids.  I think, by law, the neighbor is obligated to help with, at least, expenses, but they’re not nor are they helping with the labor.  Oh well, Shrek needs it done so they started this afternoon.  They will finish it tomorrow while the rest of us are partying by the pool.  ;P

After they left, I laid out by the pool for a little while, but then it got all shaded in & I came back.  Read my Rebook magazine and drank a beer.  Simple & relaxing.

Shrek got the new vodka I’ve been dying to try.  Crystal Head Vodka.  It’s comes in the coolest skull bottle.  I knew he would buy it because he does the whole skull/pirate thing.  I don’t think I could fork over $45 tho – it’s the small sized bottle.

Anyway – I’m off to not spend my Saturday night on the couch!

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Hot Fun in the Summertime

1. Is summer your favorite season? Why? Very much so.  It means the river, pool parties, BBQs, tan etc etc

2. Do you exercise more in the summer because you wear less clothing? I should, but I don’t.  I drink more – doesn’t that count for something??

3. Do you enjoy tanning or are you more concerned about the dangers of basking in the sun? Yes.  I’m gonna die anyway.  I know that’s horrible.

4. You are on the beach when a waiter appears for your drink order. What do you ask for? A beer.

5. Do you camp in the summertime? Ummm…too hot, unless it’s somewhere on the beach.  That’s fun.

6. What was your favorite summer vacation as a kid? We didn’t.  We took vacations all year long.  We had motorcycles & went to the desert in the cooler months.

7. Do you enjoy sleeping outdoors? Too many bugs.

8. Do you throw a summer barbecue every year? We have BBQs all year long on a weekly basis – sometimes several a week.  It’s a way of cooking that’s easy!

9. Have you ever been to a nude beach? If yes, what did you think? Yes. Black’s Beach.  Most people on a nude beach shouldn’t be nude.  It’s not as intimidating as you’d think.  LOL

Weird Ass Mom (WAM)

Gawd.  I’m being such a bitch today.  I’m not entirely sure why and I’m annoying myself even.  I thought PMS was supposed to be at the start of your punctuation, not the end of it!

*SIGH*  I vented to Vixen by email and I do feel better.  But fuck me, I’m being such a rag!  And the 3 day weekend is right around the corner, I should be happy & excited.  Gah!

I’m not.  For many reasons I know why, but they shouldn’t be affecting me that much.  For many reasons I don’t know why, they are.

My mother needs to fly somewhere…for a long time.  She just doesn’t get that we chose not to have children for a reason and here we are, all of a sudden, parents of a 58yo.  Who has no life of her own.  You know that old saying, “How can I miss you if you don’t go away?”

Yeah.  Exactly.  And I’ve had it up to here with roaring farts at the dinner table, sprints to the bathroom because she won’t watch her diet (she has numerous health issues) and her pants are fearing for their life, the oh-pity-me-my husband left me 17yrs ago & I’m still not over it-sighs, sex limited to the bedroom (quiet sex at that!) & her relying on us for her entertainment.  GO DO SOMETHING!!!  Fuck.

I told my brother that when she gets too old to work and I end up having to stay home to take care of her, to toss out all the pillows in my house.

I won’t be able to stop myself.